Today is a big day for me.
My husband just retired after more than 23 years as a police officer. No more middle-of-the-night call-outs. No more worrying about his safety. No more patrol car in the driveway. It’s a huge change, and while we’ve planned for it financially, emotionally, it’s a different story.
The Shift from Cop to Civilian
Let’s be real: I always tell my clients that there are multiple financial levers you can pull in retirement. One spouse can retire early, as long as the other is willing to keep working longer. In our case, I’m the “keep working longer” part of that equation—and I’m genuinely okay with that. I love what I do, and I’m not ready to hang it up.
But just because you’re prepared doesn’t mean you’re immune to the emotional weight of change. Our income is shifting. Our daily routines are shifting. Our identities are shifting. And we’re not just navigating one transition - we’re juggling three.
- Retirement – My husband is suddenly home, adjusting to life without the uniform or the schedule.
- A 16-Year-Old with a Driver’s License – He’s playing chauffeur this summer, which helps… until she doesn’t need him to drive her anymore.
- A Daughter Heading to College – Tuition is covered, thankfully, but the emotional cost of her leaving the nest is still steep.
Our lives have revolved around our kids for the last two decades. Now we’re staring down a future where they don’t need us in the same way. So, what does that mean for us?
The “Now What?” Phase
My husband has irons in the fire for what’s next - maybe a part-time job or project-based work - but nothing is firm yet. And while I hope he finds a fulfilling next step, I also wonder… what if he doesn’t? What if I come home every day to a running commentary on the latest news he’s been watching or articles he’s been reading?
I joke that I’m worried I’ll get eaten by a bear. (Statistically unlikely in Annapolis.) But the truth is, I’m unsettled, and I’m just now giving it a name. I’ve felt off for a few weeks and couldn’t quite pinpoint why. Turns out, this major life shift has more layers than I expected.
Retirement Isn’t Just About the Numbers
There’s so much more to a retirement plan than numbers on a spreadsheet. About 25% of my clients “fail” retirement, not because of money, but because they didn’t have a plan for their time. They end up going back to work out of boredom, restlessness, or loss of purpose.
That’s what I’m watching for now. My husband can’t sit still. He likes fishing, sure, but he doesn’t even eat fish. He’s not going to become a gourmet chef or take up big game hunting. And our kids, while they love us, aren’t going to be his new full-time job. They’re entering their own chapters.
Here’s What We’re Going to Try
We don’t have all the answers, but here are a few things we’re going to experiment with to help ease the transition:
Set a loose weekly routine: Not a strict schedule, but something to create rhythm - whether it’s gym days, project days, or “get out of the house and don’t narrate the news to your spouse” days.
Try new things together: We might explore classes, events, and maybe even some volunteering gigs that are completely new to both of us.
Give each other space: I still work full-time, and I love it. He’ll need time to figure out his own thing, and we both need to respect each other’s process.
Talk about what’s next-next: Once the honey-do list is finished and the college dorm is stocked, what do we want the next decade to look like? It’s time to get serious about these discussions.
Embracing the Unknown
So, where does that leave me?
In transition. In reflection. In a slight panic, if I’m honest.
I can bury myself in Pilates or running, or pickleball. I can lean on my girlfriends, my bible study group, and my big, beautiful family. But the real work is in embracing the transition, not resisting it.
And that’s the next step. I’m not entirely sure what that looks like yet, but I’ll keep you posted as I figure it out.
Because if you’re also standing in the middle of a big life change, here’s the truth: it’s okay to feel a little wobbly. Just don’t go it alone - and don’t forget to plan for the emotional side of the journey, too.